V-Day

Happy V-Day to Me! Happy V-day to MEEEEE, Happy V-DAY TOOOOO MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Happy V-Day to ME!

Not dead, just been away inside my head

Hmmm, life seems to have taken a turn, after the drama that was the first 6 months of 2008 it seems like a strange dream, after emotions, hospitals, nappies, blood, depression, and more health problems with my Lupus I feel like I have been handed happiness on a plate. I am in a constant state of confusion, awe, and feeling like the luckiest person on the face of the planet. I pinch myself on a regular basis just to check. But this is happening. It really, really is. I just felt like shouting it out from my blog, because I don't have a mountain, well I do but too many Koreans doing their early morning exercises would be incredibly confused by the crazy foreigner. So apparently it exists, and this is it. I am completely, totally and utterly, head over heels in love with the most wonderful man in the entire world (or so he tells me).

Although I'm saying no more as my horoscope told me to... ;)

Capricorn
Tuesday, July 8

Try not to share too many secrets with your friends and coworkers today. Not everyone has your best interests in mind. There are very few people you can put your trust in.

On living my life and not just waiting for it.

I watched a movie the other night called PS I Love You. I cried literally from the beginning to the end. It was a romance and had some funny moments and wasn't a particularly good example of good cinematography but the plot kept on picking me up and then throwing me straight back down in the gutter. It was about a woman whose husband had died of a brain tumor. Before he died he wrote her a number of letters which he, through her mother, planned to deliver to her after his death to help her to move on with her life. First of all How incredibly romantic and sad and loving is that? Second of all this woman had been living her life without direction as if she is waiting for her real life to begin, kind of reminds me of a song by Colin Hay called Waiting for my Real Life to Begin...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HNFsI5y270&feature=related

Which also makes me cry.

His letters help her to pull herself together and live her life. I suppose I relate to that. I suppose that's why I cried. I forget sometimes with all of my student loans and plans for the future and wondering if I'm really doing what I want and taking the right paths that life is actually happening now.

Thirdly it made me think of lost loves. I just wrote a paragraph and deleted it again... I'm not ready to share that just yet.

It wasn't that it was such an amazing movie but the message was quite pertinent to my life. I have felt recently that I'm in limbo. I need to stay in Korea until I finish my MA but really really want to move on. I used to be like this when I was a teenager and in my early 20s, wishing to be older and at a further stage in my career/life without stopping to enjoy where I was. I think lots of people do this. I notice myself doing it and wish I could just slow down a bit and notice what's going on around me. Stop making plans for a moment and settle into what I am doing right now. I think we all know that wouldn't make me happy though. I do need to try harder to enjoy the moment however and I am going to endeavor to do so instead of constantly searching for my real life to begin I want to be more involved in this one. This starts with writing my damn essay. And liking it.