Not dead, just been away inside my head

Hmmm, life seems to have taken a turn, after the drama that was the first 6 months of 2008 it seems like a strange dream, after emotions, hospitals, nappies, blood, depression, and more health problems with my Lupus I feel like I have been handed happiness on a plate. I am in a constant state of confusion, awe, and feeling like the luckiest person on the face of the planet. I pinch myself on a regular basis just to check. But this is happening. It really, really is. I just felt like shouting it out from my blog, because I don't have a mountain, well I do but too many Koreans doing their early morning exercises would be incredibly confused by the crazy foreigner. So apparently it exists, and this is it. I am completely, totally and utterly, head over heels in love with the most wonderful man in the entire world (or so he tells me).

Although I'm saying no more as my horoscope told me to... ;)

Capricorn
Tuesday, July 8

Try not to share too many secrets with your friends and coworkers today. Not everyone has your best interests in mind. There are very few people you can put your trust in.

On living my life and not just waiting for it.

I watched a movie the other night called PS I Love You. I cried literally from the beginning to the end. It was a romance and had some funny moments and wasn't a particularly good example of good cinematography but the plot kept on picking me up and then throwing me straight back down in the gutter. It was about a woman whose husband had died of a brain tumor. Before he died he wrote her a number of letters which he, through her mother, planned to deliver to her after his death to help her to move on with her life. First of all How incredibly romantic and sad and loving is that? Second of all this woman had been living her life without direction as if she is waiting for her real life to begin, kind of reminds me of a song by Colin Hay called Waiting for my Real Life to Begin...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HNFsI5y270&feature=related

Which also makes me cry.

His letters help her to pull herself together and live her life. I suppose I relate to that. I suppose that's why I cried. I forget sometimes with all of my student loans and plans for the future and wondering if I'm really doing what I want and taking the right paths that life is actually happening now.

Thirdly it made me think of lost loves. I just wrote a paragraph and deleted it again... I'm not ready to share that just yet.

It wasn't that it was such an amazing movie but the message was quite pertinent to my life. I have felt recently that I'm in limbo. I need to stay in Korea until I finish my MA but really really want to move on. I used to be like this when I was a teenager and in my early 20s, wishing to be older and at a further stage in my career/life without stopping to enjoy where I was. I think lots of people do this. I notice myself doing it and wish I could just slow down a bit and notice what's going on around me. Stop making plans for a moment and settle into what I am doing right now. I think we all know that wouldn't make me happy though. I do need to try harder to enjoy the moment however and I am going to endeavor to do so instead of constantly searching for my real life to begin I want to be more involved in this one. This starts with writing my damn essay. And liking it.

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

It is midterm week. The most infuriating week of the semester whereby I get to sit and watch my students have conversations in English. The week didn't start off too badly, i even noticed that many students had in fact prepared hard and were sailing through the conversations quite fluently. It is now Wednesday and I feel like rubbing chili paste in my eyes would be preferable to sitting through these unprepared, muddled, sleep deprived students' attempts at speaking English. The reason I am in such a good mood is probably due to a case of PMS and the feeling that my time could be better spent. I will never get back these long minutes of my life and I'm not getting any younger.

I also have an essay due in a month which I am no nearer to finishing than I was a month ago, AND a new course has started this week so I am expected to actually do some work. The essay will have to be started this weekend. procrastination time is officially over and desperation has kicked in.

I have also been invited to apply for a new job. It would mean a little redirection in my career, going from teaching to ELT consultant at Oxford University Press in Seoul. It's the direction I want to go in, eventually getting an editor's position when I finish my MA but I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do to move now while I'm in the middle of my MA. It would also be more like a "real" job working 9-5 instead of loafing in to the classroom every now and then. Of course I haven't been offered the job, just to apply, but...

On top of that my horoscope couldn't be more wrong today:

December 22 ~ January 20

Capricorn: You will be tempted by something naughty today, but you'll have enough willpower to restrain yourself. .

Today I have consumed:

A bacon sandwich, 3 cups of tea, a cup of coffee, an ice cream and plan to order fried chicken and munch on chocolate in one hour. I wonder if I will turn into a butterfly...

And Another Thing...

I have been watching too much Boston Legal recently. I have begun to confuse reality with fiction. aggggghhhhhhh!!!! get me out of here!

Bridget Jones Eat Your Heart Out

I'm feeling really emotional at the moment and I can't seem to snap out of it. I am feeling really lost but I'm not sure why because everything in my life is pretty good. I have a great job; I'm working towards being better qualified so I can get an even greater job; I have great friends and family and a support network. I'm going to go away for a couple of days to try to put some semblance of order back in my mind. As well as that I'm going to spring clean my apartment and see if order in my space can transfer itself!! Then I'm going to buy a big bunch of yellow flowers. Lastly I'm going to make a batch of chocolate brownies and eat the lot!

I guess I miss home right now. Well actually I miss family and friends at home. It gets kind of tough being here sometimes. I don't want anyone to worry because the feelings will pass soon enough. It's just far away from people I love.

In the last few months I have gone through quite a lot which at the time I didn't really think about until after the events. You know when they say "it's just one thing after another"? Well I know that's just life but seriously! AND I hate feeling sorry for myself. So, I think I'll pick myself off, brush myself off, pop a couple of band aids on my knees and go back to being happy Sarah. After I eat the brownies.

Penguin Zombies

I have these damn penguins on my igoogle homepage and I can't stop playing with them. If you move your mouse around the screen they follow it. I sit there for ages moving my mouse in circles to make them dizzy. They look just like penguin zombies. Creepy.

Wait

While waiting for my last class of the day to start I have won 2 games of Catan against the computer, the exchange rates have started to go back to normal, I called the publishers to arrange a sales meeting, fiddled around with facebook, and I taught some students who were early for class some msn abbreviations. Altogether a productive hour.

Happy Easter

It's Easter Monday and I have the day off for the first time in 4 years. The only reason I do is because I work at a Catholic University, may not be Catholic, but I'll take the extra holidays, thanks! A second first for me in Korea was receiving Easter eggs in the street! The first was handed to me when I walked past a church yesterday and another on a subway. Granted they are not chocolate, they are just boiled eggs with little wrappers but it's the thought that counts.

I spent Easter Sunday eating chocolate cake and Strawberry Cheesecake and looking at art with Mike. I left Mike snivelling, grumpy and disgusting, not because he had to spend the afternoon with me, because of the spring cold which I have yet managed to avoid. You know I've spoken too soon don't you? Tomorrow's post will be a photo of me with snot running out of my nose.

Oh! Another first in Korea yesterday, which I forgot to take a photo of was a store in Hongdae (a trendy university area) called "Condomania" selling condoms in all shapes and sizes... even British Durex... I know this will not mean much to people at home but people in Korea will understand the relevance of this... It's on the same side of the road as The university, down the hill about 50 metres.

Last night we played Sunday Night Catan with Gio and Joanna. A lot of fun but I was tired after a long weekend and VERY argumentative with CJ. He took it well. By that I mean he just didn't say anything. We both agreed that I needed to take myself and my hormones to a quiet place. Well, I left and he probably breathed a sigh of relief.

I also made a new friend on Facebook. And by new friend I mean new, old friend who I used to go to school with. Chloe Blemings it's been a long time. I also saw that she was friends with my best friend from elementary school. I realised adding her would be pointless as she probably still hates me for being so mean to her in school. Facebook takes up too much of my time.

And all of this makes perfect sense reading my horoscope from yesterday retrospectively:

Sunday, March 23

Capricorn

Sarah,You may find that you are both making and losing friends today. You and your significant other could be arguing and agreeing at the same time. You can expect the unexpected from the people in your life, as well as people that you meet on the street.

The rest of the weekend was okay: I finished another semester of my MA so I took a few days to relax before I start the daunting task of starting my 5000 word paper. I've got some time off from online work so I should make the most of it and get stuck in. Scary.

As today is Sunday #2 I should get some laundry in and plan some lessons. Perhaps I'll just make another cup of tea first...

10 Things I've Learned in the Last Week

1. No matter where you are the pizza delivery man can always find you.


2. It doesn't matter if you don't do your dishes for 3 days so long as nobody knows.


3. I am incapable of losing CATAN no matter how hard I try.


4. Snow is like a Christmas puppy, people get all excited for the first day but soon realise the responsibilities and the stinky yukkiness on your shoes associated with it after a few days.


5. A watched blog never gets any comments.


6. Koreans find it strange that we DON'T eat pickles with pizza.


7. Eskimos don't exist and they don't live in igloos. (very disappointing, not quite sure what to do with this one.)


8. If you don't understand just smile and nod. Something will end up happening and whatever it is, it will be an experience.


9. Web cams perform a lot more efficiently before you throw them to the ground.


10. No matter what, there will be some A**hole in the meeting who responds to the, "Right that's all then, does anyone have anything to add...?" It''s a rhetorical question, we all want to go home, and your question is pointless. JUST LIKE YOU.